My fear almost came true

 Last weekend I was at work when I realized something was wrong. I thought my face was swelling and could not figure out what I could possibly be reacting to. I left work and drove to my granddaughter's house and she took me to ER. I knew then it was more than a simple swelling. 

They took one look at me and started stroke protocols. CT scan, chest x-ray, IV in both arms. The doctor came in after the CT scan and said that I was having a stroke and said because I was in the 3-hour window that I was a good candidate for tPA (tissue plasminogen activator). Before he could say anything else I told him to go ahead. I already knew of the dangers of using it, I also knew of risks of NOT using it. It was a decision I had made years before. 

OMG. I was on fire. My back started spasming, I was nauseous. My head felt like it was going to explode. It all settled down and I was able to relax. I looked at my finger because it was feeling weird and the tip of my finger was swelling. It looked like a balloon about to pop. I am saying something about it and they looked at my face. My mask was snatched off and they start looking down my throat. Face swelling. Eye swelling, Throat swelling but I was not having trouble breathing.

Another CT scan, this one with contrast to check to see if I needed "rotor rooting".  If I did I would be transported to another hospital. That was good. Up to ICU where I was monitored every 15 minutes, then 30 minutes, then 12 hours of every hour. No sleep for the wicked! An echo to check my heart, speech therapy to see if I could swallow then an MRI with and without contrast to check for damage. 

I'm good. 

My fear was dying or becoming incapacitated for a long time. I am not afraid to die, I am afraid of leaving my husband alone. He is not capable of taking care of himself for the long run. What will happen to him? I already know. The vultures will swoop in and pick him dry. He would be unable to get his medicine and no one would care. Well, Brook would but she has her hands full with 2 children and a baby soon to be born.

I have to live.

Official

 So it is official. The doctor has officially diagnosed my husband with dementia. He said it is mild. He has prescribed Aricept for him. Hopefully, it helps. 

It was hard to hear the news. I already knew it. Having the doctor say it out loud made it all the more real. I was talking to the doctor on the phone trying to finish getting ready for work when he told me. I was so distracted that I actually wore shoes of different colors to work. 

Tonight was a bad night. There is no gas in the area. Pat decided to go to town to see his daughter. I have told him for several days there is no gas don't drive anywhere. The car is sitting at a gas station about 10 miles from home. To make matters worse he was trying to get home on a road that is closed. I have been telling him for over a week that the road is closed. 

He has no concept of time right now. Be warned. If he has your number he might call at the strangest time. 

He does mashups on his memories. Sometimes he combines true memories, sometimes he combines a false memory with a true memory.

I wonder if I am strong enough for this.