Palliative Care

 Today at the ungodly hour of 8 am we got our first visit with the palliative care nurse. She is alright. She was a bit upset that the VA had not provided specific equipment for him. She is ordering Xanax for anxiety.  We will see how this goes.

My shoulder is better. I have no muscle strength in my arms now. Gotta work on that. I bought 3 lb weights and stretch bands to help with flexibility and building muscle. Yes, I know 3 pounds is not much. My bicep was detached for some time so it is going to take some time to rebuild the muscles.

I lost it

 Today was bad. I totally lost it. My husband had dismantled the oxygen setup and lost a part needed to connect the hose. I yelled at him. Then I cried, no I sobbed. I was so angry at him, at me and so ashamed of myself and so sad that I am losing the man I love. It's not fair and I don't know if I have the strength to survive this.

The Rs

 Results-Pat test results still show kidney damage but the function has improved. We have not talked to the doctor yet. He has an appointment Monday I am expecting the same old same old-drink water no caffeine, etc.

Results- Barrett's Esophagus, of course, has no dysplasia so that is a relief. Watch my diet, take medicine do not get heartburn at all.

Runoff-Early voting starts next Saturday for the GA Senate race between Incumbent Warnock and challenger Walker. Neither man received 50%+1 in the general election so here we go again. In 2 years we get to do it again. YAY.

Recipes- I need to write out the recipes that I just do. I have a book to put them in. I think Brook might want them. I don't want something to happen to me and I can't remember them. My granny had several strokes and could not remember everything. I have had one stroke already so it could happen to me. I need to get busy.

Good night

rare event

 Well, it is a rare event when I post here. I guess that fact it has been over a year should tell you that. I can't seem to come up with much to say.

Things are poking along here. I had rotator cuff surgery a couple of months back. Swapped out one pain in the shoulder for another. Hopefully, I will get my strength back in my arm and range of motion. Bursitis settled into my elbow on the arm I had surgery on. Why? I mean, really? My shoulder doesn't hurt enough let's throw in some pain in another spot to complicate things.

Pat's dementia is progressing. Not really fast, just enough that I notice it. His memory of events can be faulty. People say they(people with dementia) remember the past so well. Not true. Sometimes they combine memories and turn them into whatever.

We go next month to a skin cancer specialist. He has a horrible place on the back of his ear that I finally got someone to look at. Fairly certain it is cancer. He had skin cancer some years back on his face that looked somewhat like it. It is raw, bleeding, and has a hole in it. 

Some days I just feel old and sad.

Sundown

 Sundowning is never pretty

Last day

 This is my last day off work. The only thing I accomplished was staying alive. That's good enough.

I work for one of the big discount retailers. Been there going on for 7 years now. I like it there. My management team is good, the people in my department are good, I have friends in other departments too. People care. Makes it easier to go to work.

Personally, I would love to not work again. A life of leisure would suit me just fine. Don't see that happening. I will probably be one of those people that will have to work until they die. I will not be able to survive on Social Security, I did not work for over 20 years so I do not have any savings. Not interested in any get quick scheme. 

My fear almost came true

 Last weekend I was at work when I realized something was wrong. I thought my face was swelling and could not figure out what I could possibly be reacting to. I left work and drove to my granddaughter's house and she took me to ER. I knew then it was more than a simple swelling. 

They took one look at me and started stroke protocols. CT scan, chest x-ray, IV in both arms. The doctor came in after the CT scan and said that I was having a stroke and said because I was in the 3-hour window that I was a good candidate for tPA (tissue plasminogen activator). Before he could say anything else I told him to go ahead. I already knew of the dangers of using it, I also knew of risks of NOT using it. It was a decision I had made years before. 

OMG. I was on fire. My back started spasming, I was nauseous. My head felt like it was going to explode. It all settled down and I was able to relax. I looked at my finger because it was feeling weird and the tip of my finger was swelling. It looked like a balloon about to pop. I am saying something about it and they looked at my face. My mask was snatched off and they start looking down my throat. Face swelling. Eye swelling, Throat swelling but I was not having trouble breathing.

Another CT scan, this one with contrast to check to see if I needed "rotor rooting".  If I did I would be transported to another hospital. That was good. Up to ICU where I was monitored every 15 minutes, then 30 minutes, then 12 hours of every hour. No sleep for the wicked! An echo to check my heart, speech therapy to see if I could swallow then an MRI with and without contrast to check for damage. 

I'm good. 

My fear was dying or becoming incapacitated for a long time. I am not afraid to die, I am afraid of leaving my husband alone. He is not capable of taking care of himself for the long run. What will happen to him? I already know. The vultures will swoop in and pick him dry. He would be unable to get his medicine and no one would care. Well, Brook would but she has her hands full with 2 children and a baby soon to be born.

I have to live.